Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Christmas is coming, the lamb is getting fat!

We're just over a month away from Christmas. Can you believe it? Every year I fantasize about having my house tastefully decked out in fairy lights and holly, having a perfectly symmetrical, natural tree, gracefully bedecked in matching, colour-coordinated baubles and beads, and hosting a festive, multi-coursed meal consisting of all of the traditional fare plus quirky trendy things that look and taste fabulous. There will be snow flakes gracefully falling outside, and a roaring open fire with a perfect row of perfect stockings hanging from the perfect mantel **sighs contentedly**

Then I remember that I live in New Zealand, so:
a) The fairy lights will have been purchased in last year's Boxing Day sale from The Warehouse for $3.99, and won't go, no matter how much I twist the bulbs or shake them. They are also mysteriously tangled beyond reasonable possibility, indicating that someone returned them last Christmas due to being faulty, and some lazy Warehouse employee snuck them back on the shelves rather than bin them. Or whatever they do with faulty stuff.

b) The tree will not be symmetrical. It will be some sad, insipid-looking specimen of Pinus Radiata purchased from a roadside stall, or whacked down from an unsuspecting farmer's shelterbelt, minus the top which was topped off by the tree-topper machine a little too recently. If desperation strikes, the trusty old artificial number, purchased during The Warehouse's 2002 Boxing Day sale for $18 will suffice, despite balding in some areas due to the cat gnawing off the tinselly bits.

c)The decorations will not match, neither in variety or colour. Prior to the days of children crafting, it may have. But now, how can I possibly NOT hang the multicoloured, glittered contraption dangling of a piece of bright orange yarn that they have slaved over for the past 90 seconds? Besides this, due to my refusal to gate off the tree, I tend to spend so much time redecorating the fecking tree after it has been stripped by children that by the time Christmas rocks around, I'm just throwing baubles back in its general direction and leaving them where they fall.

d)The food will be delicious, but cooked my my mother, as I decide with a week to come that I can't be bothered hosting and she'd do a better job. Bless her :D

e) It is theoretically summer, so it won't snow. Though being New Zealand, it could well be anything from 7 degrees and dreary to 35 degrees, windy and sweltering. Or both within the course of a 30 minute period.

Ahhhh, I love Christmas!

1 comment:

  1. Ha ha ha ha! Thanks for the laugh - it is sooo true! :)